My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
