i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
