the condom got lost in my hair
I am midnight drunk by noon
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
