I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
