found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
