I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize