Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
