We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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