I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize