If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
