well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
