oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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