Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
