my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
