I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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