why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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