Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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