did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
