did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
