when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
