Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
