Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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