Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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