Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
