ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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