the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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