Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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