Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
