Do you still have your period?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
