is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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