Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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