the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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