I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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