I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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