I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
