I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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