fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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