if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I want a musical about memes.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
