I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
