And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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