remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
