I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
