Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
and she was petting her beer can
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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