I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
