I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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