Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
