i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize