Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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