it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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