So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
and you fell through a lawn chair
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
