You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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