I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
