Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
