I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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