That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
