why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
