He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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