Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
