i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
