After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
