Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
