Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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