I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize