its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
two words...techno handjob
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
