She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Randomize
