i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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