I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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