the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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