she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he was CRYING into my vagina
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize