So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
