M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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