U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
